I'm really into asian looking animals
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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