I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
