Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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