Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
