I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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