Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
