Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just high enough for therapy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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