Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
