Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
