dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
