I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
