honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
