brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
zippers are such a cool invention
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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