What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
