ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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