'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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