i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't deserve a penis
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
