Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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