at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
