Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
