Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
