Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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