Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Houston, we have a squirter
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
