You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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