Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
