The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
