Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
