you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
