i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
