if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
