Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
