Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
