i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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