I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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