I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
