Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
