I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize