i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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