piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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