i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
