I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
