I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
