i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it was like eating out sand paper
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
