If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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