That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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