If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
