i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
