We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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