Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
