Redeem this text for a blowjob
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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