I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we're making bets on your personal life
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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