I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
