Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
COCAINE IS GR8
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
