Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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