He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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