did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
