Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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