just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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