I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
