i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She even gives head with a lisp.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
