ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
