He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize