i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
