I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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