She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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