he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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