I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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