The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So squirting runs in the family.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
