I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
