she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's shark week go big or go home
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize