remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my shit smells like andre
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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