I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
