I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
