i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
