It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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