my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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