Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
