Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
