you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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