This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize