Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm having to shit out rocks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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