Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize