so explain again why im purple
no
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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