just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
