When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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