Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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