i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
