i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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