im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
