took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize