U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
