This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
