Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
