the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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