Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
