I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
