I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
