Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize